How to Use Scissors to Stop a Home Invasion (After President Obama Takes Away Your Semi-Auto Guns).

by milesstoneman

avatar 013First, you find a full-size picture or poster of a policeman holding an AR-15 (which he is allowed to have, by law).  Using the scissors, cut it out.  Fold it up and keep it by your bed.

Then, when the bad guy comes into your home, you unfold the full-size picture or poster of a policeman holding an AR-15 (which he is allowed to have, by law), and say, in your most authoritative voice, “GET ON THE GROUND;  ASSUME THE POSITION!”

The bad guy, who thinks you’re a policeman holding an AR-15 (which he is allowed to have, by law), would then get on the floor of your hallway with his hands behind his head, and his ankles crossed, according to the rules which bad guys follow when ordered to “get on the ground; assume the position” by a policeman holding an AR-15 (which he is allowed to have, by law).

After this, you take your .22 caliber pistol (5 shots or less) which Senator Feinstein and President Obama have generously allowed you to keep, and hold it near the bad guy’s right ear.  The barrel size is similar, and he won’t know that you are not a policeman holding an AR-15 (which he is allowed to have, by law), and he will stay still until the policeman holding an AR-15 (which he is allowed to have, by law) arrives and takes him into custody.

Unfortunately, the bad guy will be out on bail in less than 24 hours, and will get a lawyer to sue you for unlawful restraint, and false arrest since you pretended to be a policeman holding an AR-15 (which he is allowed to have, by law).  And he will win.

You will, then, lose your home, which you successfully defended with a pair of scissors.

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